Tyby Kahler Driver Theory

In the theory of the scenario of life, there is the concept of scenario messages. They can be transmitted verbally, non-verbally, or both in a single way simultaneously. Moreover, in any case, they may contain copy elements. Verbal messages can be formed in the form of orders or evaluations (evaluative definitions).

Before the child begins to speak, he interprets the messages of other people in the form of non - verbal signals. When the child begins to understand the language, non-verbal communications continue to be an important component of scenario messages.

Verbal script messages can be transmitted in the form of direct instructions (orders): “Do not bother me! Do what they tell you! Faster! Do not be fancy! If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again! ” No less common are the appraisal messages: “You are weak!”, “My little boy!”, “You will fail!”, “You think well!”. The content of orders can be positive or negative, and their strength, like script messages, will depend on the non-verbal signals that accompany them.

Sometimes assessments can be transmitted indirectly, for example, when a parent speaks with someone about his child in his presence or knowing that the child will know. “This is a calm child,” “She bothers us, because she’s very moody.” The child is likely to perceive such indirect assessments as strong script messages, since he believes that it is parents who determine reality. When a child hears his parents talking to other people about him, he takes it for granted and considers the above to be an indisputable fact.

In addition, there are so-called counter-orders, which consist of orders (commands) about what should or should not be done, as well as judgments about people and life. They form a counterscript that is used most of the time in a positive way, for example, when we take care of ourselves and feel comfortable in society: here is information that we should not rush at the table or put our hands in boiling water. Nevertheless, many people have a number of messages in the counterscript that they decided to use negatively. ^[2]

Five orders have a special role in the counter-scenario: “Be the best!”, “Be strong!”, “Try!”, “Rejoice others!”, “Hurry up!”. These messages are called drivers. The term “Driver” is used because the child feels the need to follow these instructions. He believes that as long as he follows the driver, he is ok. According to the theory, all people have in their counterscripts these five messages, although in different proportions. ^[3]

Be the Best

Under the influence of this driver, a person seeks perfection or expects the same from others. He is highly motivated to achieve , but never satisfied with what has been achieved. He can use high-flown words and hyperbolas , tell more than he is asked to tell. He believes that he must provide more extensive information so that people understand his message in all the subtleties. ^[4] A person speaks from a state in which, if he is not perfect, he is bad (not ok). The pedantic caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland , which required perfect grammar, symbolizes Be perfect. In childhood, instead of encouraging and recognizing their successes, people with this driver constantly heard from their parents: “You could complete the task more accurately! You should receive only excellent marks! Always strive to be the best! ”

Hurry up

The Hurry driver instructs you to do everything faster, speak hastily and move. Under the influence of this driver, a person believes that he must do everything "right now." He can interrupt people and thus “rush” to end the conversation, often look at his watch, make neurotic movements with his hands. When he requires others to rush, he is influenced by his counter-orders. This precept is symbolized by the White rabbit from the fairy tale “Alice in Wonderland” , which insists: “I am late, late, to a very important event!” And Alice needs to hurry to catch him. Such people create an emotional field of anxiety, irritation, haste, race around them. They are intolerable silence, relaxation of relaxation. At the same time, they take on a lot of responsibility and authority, manage to do a lot - but most often at the cost of their physical and emotional health. Their favorite phrase: “I don’t have enough time for anything” ^[5] .

“Try your best” ( English Try Hard )

“The process is important! Always try your best, if necessary - get hard. ” Depth setting that life is an ongoing struggle for survival. The carrier of this driver is distinguished by a high level of tension. “The real result can be obtained only by spending a lot of effort, otherwise it doesn’t happen” - a difficult but unequivocal instruction received by him in childhood. Adults urged them to always exert efforts in all matters, try, climb out of their skin. At first glance, the prescription seems positive, but for such people, the difficult process of achievement, in fact, replaces the result. They work a lot, but ineffectively, try, but often in vain. They are never satisfied with the result. A person may not answer questions directly, repeat them, shut up sharply, divert the dialogue aside, or constantly say “It’s hard for me” or “I don’t know” (although, in fact, he knows) ^[6] . An example of the danger of the Try hard driver is behavior when a person falls into quicksand . If he fights (tries), he will drown. If he moves slowly and thoughtfully, he will enter safe territory.

Rejoice Others Please

"Like people, be nice and helpful." People controlled by this driver are very susceptible to the words, actions, moods, reactions of others. They are sensitive, vulnerable, helpful, peaceful and strive to maintain good relations with others at all costs. They are distinguished by increased and reverent attention to acquaintances, colleagues, friends, other people's interests and needs sometimes become more important than their own. They are afraid of incurring indignation, suddenly and unexpectedly provoke a dispute and conflict, they seek to make amends and soften any differences - even at the cost of personal defeat. They are not ready to convincingly argue their position, to promote their proposals - especially if they go against the generally accepted ones. From childhood, such people learn clear parental messages: “never upset your grandmother, help your sister, please your mother, please your parents.” Accustomed to hide and suppress their own desires, they think primarily about the whims of others. In groups, they become peacekeepers, “vests for tears,” indispensable and always friendly to all philanthropists in the mood. They tend to seek approval and often apologize. ^[7]

“Be strong”

“Be strong and resilient, be patient.” As a rule, this driver occurs in families where a strict, harsh upbringing is adopted. The words that a child hears from adults in response to their experiences - be it pain, fear or sadness, are: “real men don’t cry”, “it’s a shame to be upset, you are strong (strong)! Growing up, children get used to hiding their true emotions under an impenetrable mask. They hide from the outside world their weaknesses, suffering, doubts, speak monotonously, do not show enthusiasm or disappointment. People with this driver are not prone to complaints about the complexity of the work, they silently perform it. They are accustomed to demonstrate balance, firmness and strength, not to pay attention to their own emotions ^[8] . Like the Spartan warriors , who were taught from an early age that feelings are weakness, and a man must be strong.

Tyby Kähler also created a technique that is used to identify internal processes that make a person act in a certain way. The proposed test contains 25 statements that need to be answered (Yes; Sometimes; No). ^[9]

The American psychotherapist Shepard Gellert in 1975 published an article ^[10] criticizing Kahler's approach. He argued that drivers are not part of the counter-scenario, but merely reflect the possible actions of the child during self-actualization . A criterion that was too rigid was also criticized. According to Gellert, there are much more than 5 drivers, therefore, Kähler’s theory is doubtful, unrepresentative and cannot be used as comprehensive.

Well-known psychoanalysts and therapists Robert and Mary Goulding continued work on Kahler's theory. They developed a system of 12 prescriptions - messages from the parental ego state “Child” transmitted from within the circumstances of their own parental ailments: unhappiness, anxiety, anger, confusion, secret desires. It is important to remember that the names of the orders are only a verbal designation, conditionally adopted for the convenience of analyzing the scenario. In fact, orders are passed to the child mostly non-verbally. Basic list: Do not. Do not be. Do not get close. Do not be significant. Do not be a child. Do not grow up. Do not succeed. Do not be yourself. Do not be normal. Do not be healthy. Do not belong. On their basis, Mary adds to the Kähler list the inverse prescription, paired with the prescription "Do not be": "Be careful" ^[11] .

In 1989, Joseph Hazell published an article ^[12] “ Drivers as Mediators of Stress Response ”. He proposed a solution to the wording of the “Help Others” driver ( Eng. Please Others ) using the “ Be pleasing ” structure ( Eng. Be pleasing ), not important for yourself or for those around you. He also believed that drivers could have a positive message. If, for example, we replace the name “Be perfect” with “Be right”, then the goal immediately becomes attainable. He put forward the theory that all drivers appear as an attempt to get the missing emotions and avoid traumatic ones. “Rejoice others” is an unspoken request for love and unconditional acceptance and the avoidance of feelings of rejection and loneliness. “Be the best” is about respect and recognition instead of shame for mistakes. “Be strong” is about security (through gaining control over emotions) instead of vulnerability and dependence on others. “Hurry” is about getting pleasures and benefits here and now, instead of lost time and resources. “Try” - about receiving a reward for performing complex tasks, instead of disappointment and control from more successful people.

Christina Chevalier in the article ^[13] “ Dealing with the crisis in the Organization” ( English Dealing with Crises in Organizations ) proves the applicability of the theory in crisis management . In the event of a crisis, a person needs to restore his state of Okay and work out of it. First of all, it is necessary to return to the position of strength and act outside the position of the victim. Also, managers should not feel that they are isolated from their employees and alone. The way out of the crisis is teamwork. Therefore, according to the author, it is necessary to study such situations in advance with the help of psychological consultants.

David Johnson in 1997 in his article ^[14] described the theory of the influence of drivers on human leadership style.

Case Tutor wrote a sensational work in 2008 ^[15] . His article states that it is necessary to single out the sixth driver, “Take It,” to explain certain aggressive search activity at both the internal and interpersonal levels. According to the author, from the point of view of social psychology, the “Take it” message helps explain why the so-called advanced societies take away resources from the developing world (minerals, oil, people), and then dump by-products and production and consumption wastes to the same countries. With this driver, he also explains the US isolationism policy .

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• Hurry up
• Try hard
• Please others
• Be strong
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• Scenario (Psychology)
• Transactional analysis
• Tyby Kahler