Gerrit van Honthorst , 1725
Marriage by agreement , arranged marriage is a practice in which someone, except the couple, makes the selection of the groom or bride , meanwhile shortening or completely omitting the courtship process. Such marriages are deeply rooted in royal or aristocratic families around the world. Today, arranged marriages are widespread in South Asia ( India , Pakistan , Bangladesh , Sri Lanka ) [1] , in Africa , the Middle East and Southeast Asia and East Asia to a certain extent. [2] Other communities practicing this rite are the Unification Church and the Jewish Hasidim . This type of marriage should not be confused with forced marriages , in which one forces one to marry him or her. Marriages by agreement are found in Indian, traditional European and African cultures, especially among nobles, and are usually arranged by decision of parents or older family members. Selection can be made by parents, a matchmaker , a marriage agency, or a trusted third party. In many communities, priests or spiritual leaders, as well as relatives or family friends, play an important role in matchmaking.
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Variations
Marriages by agreement vary both in character and in duration of meetings from the first date to the engagement. When married by agreement, limited only by acquaintance, the parents introduce their son or daughter to a potential bride or groom. From this moment, children have the right to establish relationships and make choices. The set time as such does not exist. This phenomenon is common in rural areas of North America, South America, and especially in India and Pakistan. Similar occurs in Korea and Japan. This type of arranged marriage is often found in Iran under the name of Hastegars . This process, not limited by time, requires significantly greater courage on the part of parents, as well as on the part of the future bride or groom, compared to marriage by agreement with a fixed time limit. Men and women are afraid of the shame and emotional trauma that can be obtained from a possible rejection, and therefore avoid the courtship process.
In some cases, the future marriage partner may be selected by the children themselves, and not by parents or matchmakers. In such cases, parents must disagree with the selection and not allow the marriage to take place, or give consent to the selection and agree to marry. Such cases differ from love marriages, since the courtship process is shortened or completely absent, and parents have the prerogative to disagree with the selection.
Marriage by arrangement in Korea
Marriages by arrangement are popular in South Korea. Koreans attribute this type of marriage to Dream (선). Basically, parents make a blind date, but only the couple decides if they want to get married. However, a preliminary acquaintance and study of the candidate by the parents increases the chances of success compared with the usual blind date. The reason this type of marriage is welcomed in Korea is because it is not only a matter of individual preference, but a merger of the two genera. As a potential candidate is first introduced and carefully considered, the couple will face much less resistance from family members. It is extremely rare that the first Dream leads to a wedding, success comes only with many meetings of the Dream with various candidates. Starting from the first date, the couple begins dating for several months before the wedding. The differences between arranged marriage and love marriage are blurred in modern Korea, however, in arranged marriages, a greater degree of involvement of family members is found.
Matchmakers and marriage agents are common in Korea. Families represent their sons or daughters to a matchmaker, or a single man or woman arranges a meeting with an agent to analyze their resume and family history in order to find a marriage partner that is suitable in terms of social status and salary potential. Koreans keep an accurate record of the genealogy and all this is indicated in the summary. Marriage agents get paid for their services.
In the movie
The British film “ East is East ” shows the practice of forced marriages: a Pakistani father (married to a British woman) forces his eldest son to marry and, after his son escapes, repeats attempts with the next two eldest sons.
In 2011, the documentary “Gypsies from the Village of Perry” [3] (known on Youtube as “Married at 12 years old. Life of a Gypsy Camp” [4] ) was released on Cyril Nabutova in the cycle “One Day. A new version". The film tells about the existing practice of marriage by agreement in the gypsy community of the village of Peri in the Vsevolozhsk district of the Leningrad region . It is customary in the community to marry by agreement between parents, with the approval of the elders, the opinions of the newlyweds are not taken into account. Marriages are usually between community members. The typical age of the bride is 12–13 years, of the bridegroom is 14–15 years, an unmarried girl of 17 years or more is already considered old. Parents of the groom organize a wedding, including buying a wedding dress for the bride, as the mother-in-law gets an assistant in the house. The newlyweds live after the wedding in the house of the groom's parents. As an example, the film shows preparations for the wedding of a twelve-year-old girl. After the wedding, the newlyweds stop going to school. The bride explains to the author of the film that it is a shame to be married and go to school, you need to work. There is an opinion in the community that long-term education at school is not necessary, it is enough that children learn to read and count. The marriage of the girl shown in the film is considered beneficial for the bride, since the income of the family of the groom is higher than that of the family of the bride. As an advantage of early marriage, by agreement of parents, community members note that there are no divorces in Roma families.
Comparison with love marriages
Love marriage is a union of two people based on mutual love, affection, attraction and commitment. Although this term is somewhat different in the Western sense, where all marriages are considered to be “love marriages,” it somewhere has a meaning that characterizes the concept of marriage, which differs from “arranged marriages” and “forced marriages”.
The institute of marriage for love appeared relatively recently, from the 16th century in Europe, when wandering guslars romanticized forbidden love marriages at that time, which were independently and secretly arranged between excommunicated narrowed ones outside the church. Prior to this, history knew only the legitimate creation of marriage with the blessing of the clergy or the church. Parents could give blessings on behalf of the church or clergy.
Depending on the culture, love marriages can be unpopular and disapproved. The concept of “marriage of love” in the East (Southeast Asia) is different from the concept of “marriage of love” in the West. If in the West a love marriage is preferable in comparison with a marriage by agreement, then in the East, traditionally - vice versa. Love marriages were considered a family disgrace, although the modern Americanized East now considers love marriages to be commonplace [5] .