Judaism Marriage

According to Jewish law , the concept of “proposal” is defined as a reciprocal promise of a man and woman to marry in the foreseeable future and the terms within which this marriage should be concluded. ^[2] A similar promise can be made, both by future spouses, and their parents or other relatives. The engagement in itself does not affect the personal status of the parties, and does not give any of the parties the right to demand the fulfillment of any obligations.

By tradition, the issue of proposals is handled by an individual from the side, most often it is a professional matchmaker (“ shadhan ”). The process itself is called shidduchim . For their work, the matchmaker receives remuneration fixed by law or agreed in advance with the customer. As a rule, it is a small percentage of the dowry . Payment of remuneration is made during the engagement or after the wedding of one of the parties or each of the parties separately. The rabbi (leader of the community of believers), as a person enjoying special trust, sometimes acts as an intermediary. Despite the fact that the preparations for the wedding concern primarily the parents, their children can marry regardless of their consent, the wedding cannot be canceled as a result of a protest from the parents of one of the spouses.

Today, in some orthodox circles, many young people find their partners without parents. And even if the parents bring their children together, most often it doesn’t even reach the engagement. However, the parents of the couple are still involved in organizing weddings.

According to Hebrew laws, the wedding consisted of two main stages:

• Irusin - engagement ceremony;
• Nisuin - marriage ceremony.

After the betrothal, the interpersonal status of the couple changed, however, it became legally fixed only after the second ceremony for marriage. In the old days (following the Talmud ), the two stages of marriage considered earlier were separated by an annual break. During this time, the bride continues to live with her parents until the official wedding ceremony, which, according to tradition, was held in a separate room or tent set by her groom. Since the Middle Ages, both stages were combined and began to be held as a single ceremony, while the ceremony of marriage became public.

There are several ways by which the couple could indicate their engagement:

• With the help of money ( kesef ) or a valuable item, such as a ring or a valuable coin. The engagement agreement itself was fixed in the presence of two witnesses and with the direct consent of the bride;
• By means of a contract ( shtar ) in the presence of two witnesses containing a statement about the Russians (see above);
• Intentional sexual intercourse in order to oblige a partner to marry; such an approach was not approved in every way by the rabbinical sages and took place only when the widow was obliged to marry her husband’s brother. Despite everything, this method was common among many peoples in the era of the tribal system.

It should be noted that all methods had a right to exist, but since ancient times, the engagement took place mainly with the use of kesef - the transfer of a valuable object, which most often served as a ring. After the engagement, the couple must go through the ritual of official marriage, which is, in fact, a proposal to marry a man and consent from a woman. Guests invited to the wedding play the role of witnesses. The function of the rabbi during the ceremony is to be an adviser to the couple. In addition, in a number of countries, civil law requires rabbis to play the role of representative of the state, and two independent witnesses to sign a marriage certificate.

Family Harmony

Family harmony, known as “ shalom bayit ”, is an ancient Jewish tradition.

Sexual Relationships

Spouses are expected to have regular sexual relations. According to Jewish tradition, sexual relations are the obligation of a man to his wife and is known as “ onah ”. ^[3] Although the initiative to engage in sexual intercourse rests entirely with the woman, she should not use sex as a mere entertainment.

Family Cleanliness

Family cleanliness laws (tohorat hamishpacha) are considered an important part of marriages regarding orthodox Judaism. They require compliance with the details of menstrual nida laws. Orthodox brides and grooms often attend classes on this topic before the wedding.

Jewish law allows only girls to marry in childhood; despite the fact that boys (according to rabbinical literature) were considered men by the age of nine, they were allowed to marry only when they reached the age of majority (13 years). ^[4] Girls, according to the Talmud, are considered women from the age of three. In this regard, already from this age, in the case of sexual intimacy with a man, marriage is possible; ^[5] At 3 years old, girls are also allowed to get engaged.

Judaism generally divides women into 3 age groups:

• Ktana ("child") - this group included all girls aged 3 to 12 years.
• Naara (“girl”) - this group includes all girls over 12 years of age, but they remained, as a rule, for no more than 6 months. Twelve years old was considered the age at which women came of age, although under certain circumstances a girl could become a woman of age much later.
• Bogeret ("mature") - this group includes girls over 12 years old who are no longer in the na'arah category. Such girls were considered adults in all respects. ^[6]

Girls belonging to the first group were completely the subject of the authority of their father, who could marry them regardless of their consent. The father had similar power during the divorce. ^[7] In the event of his death or absence for one reason or another, the girl came under the control of her brothers, who, in total, had the same rights to marry their sister as her mother. As for the girls ( naara ), then in the Talmud there is no definite point of view on whether they have the same rights as the fabric or whether they have complete freedom of choice, like Bogeret . ^{[8] [9]}

Annulment of "child" marriages

For a ktan, first marriage, predetermined by her father, is completely compulsory. To break this marriage, you must go through the standard divorce procedure, as in the case of adult spouses. However, according to the Talmud, if the marriage was dissolved (in the event of a divorce or the death of her husband), all further weddings for the ktan can only be voluntary with the possibility of subsequent dissolution. Following the Talmud, a marriage initiated by other family members (if the father is absent for one reason or another), the ctana can dissolve, even if it is the first for her.

The ktan ’s decision to annul his marriage, known in Hebrew as mi'un (“denial,” “denial,” “protest,”) leads to annulment, not official divorce. An official divorce document was not issued ^[10] , as a result of which the ketannah , which annulled its marriage, was not considered divorced by law. ^[eleven]

Unlike divorce, mi'un was often perceived with disgust by many rabbinical writers. ^[12] In early classical Judaism, it was described that such cancellation rights apply only to the betrothal period (erusin), and after full marriage ( nisuin ) are no longer valid. ^[13]

For a formal annulment of a marriage, ketannah must be declared that she does not want to live with her husband with two witnesses. The cancellation takes effect immediately after her words. ^[11] In ancient times, in such cases a document was issued stating that mi'un was produced. However, for the cancellation to take effect, it was not necessary to strictly execute its decision. If ketannah demonstrated that she was not happy with her marriage, that was the basis for the annulment. ^[11] For example, she could have engaged (the Irusin ) herself to another man, which automatically annulled her previous marriage (except when the previous marriage was considered the first initiated by her father). ^[11] However, if marriage began when the girl was at least 6 years old, and she expressed her approval for him, she could only annul her marriage through an official document until she reached the age of ten and understanding the situation. ^{[14] [15]} .

In practice

In the Middle Ages, cultural pressure on the Jewish public led many girls to marry as children (before they became bogrot). ^{[16] The} boys were also under pressure. Some rabbis stipulated that boys should marry immediately upon reaching adulthood, since it was believed that anyone who had not yet been married at the age of twenty would be cursed by God. ^{[17] [18]} Rabbinical courts often forced such people to marry forcibly. ^[19] However, there were exceptions; ancient rabbis saw the study of Jewish law as a reason to remain single. ^[20]

The rabbis completely neglected the neglect of the lower age threshold for marriage, and marriages with a large age difference between the spouses (for example, between a young guy and an old woman). ^{[21] [22]} In the Middle Ages, many tried to ban children's weddings, but their attitude was much better than possible signs of pedophilia.

Today, children's weddings are not common in Jewish society. Now this has become an extremely rare occurrence, as in many countries they have been banned by law.

Polygamy in Judaism is considered possible in order to avoid hunger, widowhood or in the case of female infertility ^[23] , as well as in levirate marriage, when a brother had to marry and provide for his brother's widow (Deuteronomy 25: 5-10). Despite the numerous mentions in the Torah, scholars believe that polygyny was not really common in biblical times, since polygamy requires wealth ^[24] . , on the contrary, argues that polygyny in biblical times was common, and came to naught only by the 2nd century AD ^[25] .

In the XI century, Rabbi Gershom introduced a 1000-year ban on polygamy for Ashkenazi Jews ^{[26] [27]} . The introduction of this ban among Ashkenazi Jews is due to the following reasons ^[27] :

• The situation of women in Christian Europe, where at that time there was monogamy.
• The participation of many European Jews in trade in Muslim countries, where they had new wives and abandoned old ones in Europe.

Modern secular Israel , founded during the 1000-year ban, does not allow polygamous marriages. But at the same time, those Jews who have already become polygamists receive Israeli citizenship without problems, and their marital unions with the second and subsequent wives have legal force with all the attendant consequences ^[28] .

There are the following restrictions on polygamy:

Do not take your wife with her sister to make her a rival, to open her nudity with her, during her lifetime ...

- Leviticus 18:18

If anyone takes a wife and her mother: this is lawlessness .

- Leviticus 20:14

The Torah also prohibits the king from “multiplying wives” (Deut. 17:17), which the authors of the Talmud interpret as “no more than 18 wives” ^[29] .

Of the three forefathers of the Jewish people - Abraham , Isaac, and Jacob - only Isaac was a congener. Abraham had concubines, the number of which is not specified in the Torah, the first of them, Hagar, was given to him by Sarah for the reason that she herself could not give birth. Jacob did not become a polygamist of his own free will - when he worked for his uncle Laban 7 years for his wife Rachel, then after the wedding, Uncle Laban gave him her sister Leah instead of Rachel, which Jacob discovered only in the morning. And although a week later he played a wedding with Rachel, but for Leah he had to work for Laban for another 7 years. Subsequently, when Leah and Rachel tried to give birth to as many children as possible, they called for help from the maids: Leah to Zelfu, and Rachel to Wallu. As a result, the four of them gave birth to Jacob 13 children - 12 ancestors of the tribes of Israel and one daughter.

In modern Judaism, there is the A-Bait HaYehudi Hashalem movement, which calls for the legalization of polygamy to solve the demographic problem in modern Israel, referring to the end of the 1000-year period during which polygamy was prohibited. Their opponents argue that the words “for 1000 years” mean “forever” ^[30] .

List of polygamists mentioned in Tanakh :

1. Abraham had a wife, Sarah, and several concubines, of whom only Hagar was known by name . After the death of Sarah, Abraham married Hetturus (Genesis 25: 1-6).
2. Lamech had two wives: “And Lamech took two wives for himself” (Genesis 4:19).
3. Jacob had two wives: the sisters Leah and Rachel , and the maidservants of the wives - Wallu (Bilhu) and Zelfu (Zilpu) (Genesis 29:30).
4. Esau had three wives: Yehudif , Basemath, and Mahalaf . Genesis 26.34, 28.9
5. Gideon : “He had many wives. Also a concubine. ” ( Jud. 8: 30-31 )
6. David had 10 wives
7. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11: 3).
8. Rehoboam had 18 wives and 60 concubines.

According to the results of the national Jewish population survey 2000-2001, 47% of marriages involving Jews in the United States in 1996-2001. were registered with non-Jewish partners. The number of interethnic marriages has increased in other countries. Jewish leaders of various movements of Judaism agree that possible assimilation leads to a crisis of national identity, but at the same time, their opinion about interethnic marriages is different:

• All branches of orthodox Judaism reject the assertion of the legality and legalization of interethnic marriages;
• Proponents of conservative Judaism do not approve of such marriages, but favor the adoption of a non-Jewish spouse in the family, hoping that this will lead to improvements in family life;
• Reformist and Reconstructivist Judaism provides complete personal autonomy in the interpretation of Jewish law. Do not prohibit interethnic marriages. The rabbis of these movements are free to decide on weddings between a Jew and a representative of another culture. Many of them are trying to get consent from the newly-minted couple that their children will be raised according to Jewish principles.

There are also different opinions about the components of interethnic marriage, based on different ideas about who is considered Jewish and who is not. Orthodox and conservative movements do not consider a Jew to be one whose mother was not Jewish.

Issues related to the personal status of citizens, such as marriage and divorce, are administered by religious courts in Israel (rabbinical courts, as well as Muslim, Christian and Druze religious courts) ^[31] . Thus, marriages between representatives of various faiths, for example, a Druze with a Jewish woman or Muslim women with a Christian, cannot be officially concluded in Israel. Marriages abroad are valid in Israel, regardless of confession.

Since 2010, the concept of civil marriage has been introduced in Israel for persons not belonging to traditional confessions in Israel ^[32] . Those who wish to register a civil marriage in Israel must submit a petition to the registrar of marriage under the Ministry of Justice. The petition, together with the accompanying documents, is submitted for examination to the religious courts of all official denominations. In the event that all courts confirm that none of the spouses belongs to any denomination, the couple is invited to the Ministry of Justice to register a marriage. ^[33] . In practice, most couples, like anyone else who wishes to marry outside the religious court system, marry abroad (for example, in Cyprus).

По мнению сторонников ортодоксального иудаизма, израильские браки между евреями должны проводиться в соответствии с галахой , что подразумевает под собой следование ряду правил, по которым отдельные люди (например, коэн и разведенная женщина, или пара в которой один из партнеров не еврей) не могут официально узаконить свои отношения. ^[34]

Решением Верховного Суда Израиля 21 ноября 2006 года было постановлено, что заключённые за рубежом однополые браки и гражданские партнёрства имеют силу и на территории Израиля. ^{[35] [36] [37]}

Галаха (еврейский закон) допускает разводы. Документ о разводе называется « гет ». Заключительная часть церемонии развода заключается в том, что муж передаёт документ о разводе в руки жены или её агента. Однако жена сама может подать иск в раввинский суд, чтобы инициировать развод. В этом случае муж будет вынужден передать документ, если он нарушил хотя бы одно из своих многочисленных обязательств. В случае развода жена может иметь, а может и не иметь право на денежную выплату.

Иудаизм признаёт право оскорблённой жены (физически или психологически) на развод с XII века. Консервативный иудаизм следует галахе, несмотря на отличия от ортодоксального иудаизма. Реформистские евреи обычно используют отдельную форму ketubah на своих свадьбах. Они не принимают разводы в том виде, в котором они были описаны, видя гражданский развод необходимым и достаточным. Тем не менее, некоторые реформистские раввины поощряют прохождение пары через полноценную процедуру развода.

Консервативный и ортодоксальный иудаизм не признаёт гражданский закон как важнейший религиозный закон, и, таким образом, не считает гражданский развод достаточным. Мужчина и женщина могут быть обоснованно разведены относительно взглядов реформистских евреев, но до сих пор быть женаты по законам общества консерваторов. Ортодоксальный иудаизм не признаёт реформистские свадьбы потому что, в случае их заключения дети от реформистской женщины, вступившей в новый брак, будут рассматриваться как мамзерим (внебрачные), поскольку эта женщина будет продолжать считаться состоящей в первом браке, а её дети, следовательно, продуктами прелюбодеяния. Внебрачные дети замужней женщины — это персональный статус, который не позволяет вступать в брак с не мамзер .

«Связанные» женщины

По традиции, когда муж сбегает или его местонахождение становится неизвестным по какой-либо причине, женщина становится Агуна («связанной») и не может вступать в новый брак в силу того, что развод может инициироваться только мужем ^[38] . В прежние времена исчезновение мужа в дальних странах было основной причиной подобной ситуации. В наше время, когда муж отказывается от составления договора о разводе по причине денег, собственности или опекунства, женщина не может выйти замуж повторно. Мужчина в этой ситуации называется Месарев гет (отказавшийся от развода).

Консервативные и ортодоксальные общества пытаются предотвратить возможность женщины не получить право на развод от своего мужа, и решать подобные вопросы, используя различные еврейские и мирские легальные методы. Однако до сих пор не существует ни одного легального решения проблемы жены, потерявшей мужа.

Взгляды иудаизма

• Иудаизм
• Ортодоксальный иудаизм
• Реформистский иудаизм
• Консервативный иудаизм
• Иудаизм реконструктивистский
• Иудаизм в России