Primitive idealization

According to Ferenczi , primitive idealization in a child replaces omnipotent control . When a child becomes disillusioned with the idea of ​​his own omnipotence, he discovers that his safety and well-being depend on adults who care for him, and begins to attribute omnipotence to them. When asking parents questions such as “why is the wind blowing?” The child often seeks not so much to find out the real reason as to make sure that the world is acting “correctly”, that is, as his parents expect. Perceiving them as those who determine the rules, a child can sincerely be offended that they “do not want” to meet him and, for example, stop the rain so that he can go for a walk.

With age, such a perception of the world disappears, but the mechanism itself remains in the psyche. We often attribute ideal qualities to those on whom we are emotionally dependent. Whether it is an attending physician in a critical situation, a loved one or a supportive patron. This helps us to protect ourselves from logical anxiety in such cases for our own safety. Idealization is an important component of mature love ^[2] . In the process of individuation-separation , the reverse processes of de-idealization and, as a consequence, depreciation are also normal.

Some people, however, tend to rely too much on this protection, struggling with feelings of helplessness and inability to control their lives. This makes them constantly seek (and find) new owners of “omnipotence” and try to psychologically “merge” with them in order to gain a sense of security. In practice, this not only shifts the locus of control far beyond human limits. The problem is also that the object of idealization is actually not ideal and sooner or later disappointment sets in, accompanied by a primitive depreciation . A man who idealizes his wife’s oncologist is likely to want to sue him if the doctor cannot defeat the disease. This process can seriously impede the course of long-term psychotherapy, as patients who are prone to idealization, finding the imperfection of the therapist, are often inclined to abruptly interrupt therapy. In addition, a side effect of any idealization is a rather heavy feeling of one’s own non-ideality ^[1] .

Narcissistic personalities are organized around the painful process of compensating for their own non-ideality. Most of their lives they are busy searching for ideals and trying to prove to everyone and everything (and first of all to themselves) their proximity to these ideals ^[1] .

• Mac-Williams N. Psychoanalytic diagnosis: Understanding personality structure in the clinical process. - M .: Class, 1998 .-- 480 p. - ISBN 5-86375-098-7 .